Monday, January 9, 2012

A New Year!

For the past couple of years, January has brought something very special! 2 years ago, I learned about Braelle (1/10/10). Last year, I graduated high school(1/11/11). And today, I started Nursing School (1/9/12)! Each gift has been exactly one year apart! God is so in control and his timing is perfect. Really kinda interested about what God will do in my life next January!

 White uniform, white car, white skin...ha

Ok, so my first day went pretty well. I had lab today, will have clinical tomorrow, and lecture wednesday. So far, lab seems like it will be pretty fun. I'm a hands on learner so I believe lab and I will get along. I also had Health Calculations today. It's a pretty easy class that you can test out of if you make a 95 or higher on your first attempt of the exam. They're 5 points a piece (20 questions) and I of course made a 90. I'm still convinced that I really made a 100 and that the teacher misposted my grade. We'll see... Needless to say, I'm super bummed.
So it's my first day of nursing school and this is how I'm feeling:
I'm feeling like there is not enough time in the day to get done what I need to get done. I'm feeling overwhelmed. I'm feeling SUPER guilty for the time I'm going to miss with Braelle, while I'm at school. How do working moms do it? I want to be there to put her down for naps and be there when she wakes up. I want to feed her breakfast and lunch and change her diapers(kinda). I just want to be there. But I can't. She cried today when I left. She never normally does that. She didn't take a nap while I was gone. Her little body was exhausted when I got home. I should have been there with her today.
I'd like to think that I've forgiven myself for my past mistakes. But it's something I deal with on a regular basis. I don't regret Braelle at all, but I just wish things were a little different. I wish I would have waited. I wish I would have been out of school and married to the man of my dreams. But the reality is things are the way they are for a reason. God saved me on the road I was on by giving me Braelle. He has blessed me so much by giving me so much help so that I can still be the nurse I've always wanted to be. I know I'm blessed, I know I have a good thing and that my situation played out the best way it could have. But I'm a little sad. So I'm asking you to say an extra prayer that God would calm my spirits, encourage me to do my best no matter the circumstance, and help me fight hard to give my baby all I can. Pray that He would help me see clearly and that He'd help me forgive myself. These next 2 years will be hard. But I am strong, I am committed, and by God's grace I will make it.

1 comment:

  1. I am very proud of you Hannah!! God is faithful. He will continue to work in your life. Philippians 1:6

    Love you and will be praying for you.