Miss Independent/Miss Sensitive

Braelle is 16 months old and is more independent every day.

• She does mostly her own feeding...loves a fork and a spoon!
• She likes to wash her own body in the bath...fine by me!
• She will not let me wash her hair anymore...she does it herself...see video below.
• She hates a stroller and insists on doing her own walking and being in charge of pushing the empty stroller...
• She likes to buckle herself in her carseat
• She tries to put on her own shoes...but that's a fail
• She thinks she's in charge, well she kind of is!

She is also now able to communicate what it is that is bothering her at that particular time....and it's always something! Braelle has been VERY sensitive since the day she was born, but now that she's able to communicate what's wrong, I look back and can see that these things have been bothering her all along, but then all she could do was cry. So you get an idea of what I'm talking about, here's some examples!

• She hates socks, and if she must wear them, they must not be bunched in the slightest.
• God forbid a pant leg slides up or down an inch...they must be exactly where they are supposed to be.
• Sleeves are not allowed to be rolled up, so if she's eating something messy, I just have to take off the shirt completely.
• Her thighs are really sensitive (this must be genetic b/c my mom is the same way). So don't ever try to hold her on your hip with your opposite hand on her thigh...

Those are only a few examples...and I wish I would have known those things when she was younger...it could have possibly saved our eardrums...but then again she's not just overly sensitive to touch, she's overly sensitive in all 5 senses. I sure hope this isn't the beginning to a very OCD child. For now, we'll just say, like my mom says, "she just feels things really strongly."

A New Year!

For the past couple of years, January has brought something very special! 2 years ago, I learned about Braelle (1/10/10). Last year, I graduated high school(1/11/11). And today, I started Nursing School (1/9/12)! Each gift has been exactly one year apart! God is so in control and his timing is perfect. Really kinda interested about what God will do in my life next January!

 White uniform, white car, white skin...ha

Ok, so my first day went pretty well. I had lab today, will have clinical tomorrow, and lecture wednesday. So far, lab seems like it will be pretty fun. I'm a hands on learner so I believe lab and I will get along. I also had Health Calculations today. It's a pretty easy class that you can test out of if you make a 95 or higher on your first attempt of the exam. They're 5 points a piece (20 questions) and I of course made a 90. I'm still convinced that I really made a 100 and that the teacher misposted my grade. We'll see... Needless to say, I'm super bummed.

So it's my first day of nursing school and this is how I'm feeling:

I'm feeling like there is not enough time in the day to get done what I need to get done. I'm feeling overwhelmed. I'm feeling SUPER guilty for the time I'm going to miss with Braelle, while I'm at school. How do working moms do it? I want to be there to put her down for naps and be there when she wakes up. I want to feed her breakfast and lunch and change her diapers(kinda). I just want to be there. But I can't. She cried today when I left. She never normally does that. She didn't take a nap while I was gone. Her little body was exhausted when I got home. I should have been there with her today.

I'd like to think that I've forgiven myself for my past mistakes. But it's something I deal with on a regular basis. I don't regret Braelle at all, but I just wish things were a little different. I wish I would have waited. I wish I would have been out of school and married to the man of my dreams. But the reality is things are the way they are for a reason. God saved me on the road I was on by giving me Braelle. He has blessed me so much by giving me so much help so that I can still be the nurse I've always wanted to be. I know I'm blessed, I know I have a good thing and that my situation played out the best way it could have. But I'm a little sad. So I'm asking you to say an extra prayer that God would calm my spirits, encourage me to do my best no matter the circumstance, and help me fight hard to give my baby all I can. Pray that He would help me see clearly and that He'd help me forgive myself. These next 2 years will be hard. But I am strong, I am committed, and by God's grace I will make it.